The trick to submission and dominance is consistency. When consistency fails, the whole thing breaks down. The woman starts to feel unloved, unwanted and unnoticed. She begins to harbor resentment and sadness and anger toward her husband. He feels this change and becomes defensive because he doesn't understand why she is behaving this way toward him. It can quickly become a dark spiral of marital turmoil. So if you are going to commit to a DD relationship, you have to have a solid commitment from both partners in order for both partners to reap the benefits.
HER BENEFITS BY BEING SUBMISSIVE
HIS BENEFITS BY BEING DOMINANT
Men were designed to be the dominant partner. They are the protector and provider and defender by nature. Dominance isn't about power but about love. It can be difficult to punish the woman you love, especially when you know that spanking her bottom brings physical pain. It takes great strength to be the dominant male. In taking the woman he loves over his knee and helping her to shape her behavior, he gains the security of knowing her love is so deep and her trust in him so mighty that she will submit her body to him. One body, one flesh. When he disciplines her, he shapes the marriage as well, forcing turmoil away and opening the doorway for peace in their home and their hearts. He gains the security of her love.
BENEFITS FOR BOTH
Start and re-start your marriage with a boot camp. Boot camp is a step-by-step guide to submission and it is crucial in getting the mindset right and bringing your marriage into balance.
We recommend a 3-4 day short boot camp that looks something like this:
a) Upon waking up, husband needs to inform his wife that she will be receiving a spanking at such and such a time and give her instructions. (i.e. at 9:50am remove all of your clothing and stand in the corner reflecting on what infractions you will be punished for going forward. At 9:55am, bring all of the tools downstairs and bend over the couch. At 10:00am we will discuss each item and give a sample whipping for each.) Spanking should be long, hard and include many instruments. You are setting the tone for what is expected. Example: If you lie to me, you will receive a minimum of 50 lashes with the cane. Issue that punishment so your expectations and the consequences are clear. Do this with each item and assign a tool to it. She mush be spanked to tears for the message to get through. If she is not crying, you are not doing it hard or long or fast enough. When the session is finished, send her back to the corner for a minimum of 3 minutes. Do not make love or be intimate until she has had corner time to process the meaning of her actions and the resulting consequences. When the 3 minutes is up then you may indulge in intimacy in any way you like.
b) In the afternoon, give her a spontaneous hard hand-spanking (minimum of 100-150 swats) Explain to her that you will always be watching and you will be quick to respond with punishment if her behavior warrants it.
c) Before bedtime talk with her about how important an attitude of submission is to the success of your marriage. Tell her what you expect and the things you will not tolerate. Take off her clothing, have her lie on her back, raise her legs into the air so that you and she are looking at each other and her bottom is exposed to you, and give her a hard, fast, hand spanking while maintaining eye contact. This lets her know that you see her, all of her, the good and the bad, that you love her for who she is, that she needn't ever hide anything from you. This eye contact while you are spanking her is a very important step in her being able to trust you. Submission is built on trust so she must see that you will look her in the face even when she has done something wrong and love her enough to relieve her of the guilt and shame by punishing her. Again, spank her to tears and then share in intimacy and hold each other through the night.
Use similar techniques for Day 2, except instead of focusing on the behaviors that will bring on punishment, focus on past behaviors for which she believes she needs to atone. Common ones are lies, past fights, inappropriate flirtations, infidelity, manipulations, etc. Address these without anger or blaming or fighting. She must tell you what each one is and then one-by-one in separate sessions throughout the day and night, you clean whatever it is from her slate. This allows her to forgive herself once and for all and to put the shame away. These sessions can be emotional and they must be to tears.
Use similar techniques from Day 2, except today is about you and your feelings and clearing your slate from the frustrations and pain of the past. Some of those things might be the same things that she mentioned yesterday and some may be applicable only to you. Address each one and express how they made you feel. One-by-one in separate sessions throughout the day and night allow her to come to you and offer herself for the sake of your restitution. She must bare herself as a gift to you, giving her body for your cleansing and the cleansing of the marriage. If Day 1 and Day 2 have gone well, this will be something she desperately wants to do. These spankings are true punishment for her and healing for you. Example: if she has wronged you with infidelity, you owe it to her and to yourself to free yourself of those emotions once and for all, even when you have buried them deep and put them away. Allow them to resurface and instead of using hateful words that will demean and crush the marriage, use your belt safely and sternly across her bottom to say what you feel and reveal a cleansed and renewed bond. This is a difficult day for husbands because it entails tapping into your emotions and then letting them out. But, when you do this, it will free your mind and unburden your heart in ways you never imagined.
After boot camp, it is important that you develop a consistent and constant schedule of discipline. A daily reminder spanking is the best, most successful route. If you can't do that, then work out a schedule to be able to do it on days when you are together. Get a spanking machine and watch via skype or facetime if needed. Teach self-spanking if that is a viable option with your spouse. If you travel a lot like me, your wife's bottom should be bright red every day you are home to make up for the days you are gone. It is your duty. Have her chart or write nightly to you, defining any infractions so that you can cater the machine to issue a punishment in your absence or so that you can design a punishment strategy for when you arrive home. Be willing to alter the schedule when needed.
IMPORTANT: Sometime after boot camp, spank her in public. Not in front of other people but in a public place so that she knows that just because you are in public it doesn't mean you aren't willing and ready to take her over your knee. If you're on the road, pull over at a private spot, have her bend over the back seat with her bare bottom exposed and give her a hard hand spanking. If you are in a restaurant or mall, go to the bathroom, take off your belt and give her a strapping she won't forget. At a friend or relative's house, take her discreetly into the bathroom, bend her over the sink and whip her with a belt or a plastic hangar or a hair brush handle. It is imperative that she understands that you still hold the reins even in public.
OUR CURRENT SCHEDULE
Mon - Thursday: Heather receives a reminder spanking with the machine in the morning.
Friday - Sunday: Heather receives a reminder spanking from me in the morning.
Friday afternoon: We address any of the infractions she wrote down in her journal that week and discuss what her punishment will be. She stands naked in the corner to reflect on what she will receive.
Friday evening: She receives a punishment session. These can last up to an hour as they include addressing every infraction individually and corner time.
During the weekend Heather receives punishment spankings whenever her behavior warrants it, which is typically two-to-three times per weekend.
Find what works for you and DO IT!