Wednesday, February 21, 2018

How Spanking Saved Our Marriage

I've had a lot of people ask why it's important to have consistent discipline.  For a while my husband and I stopped, well, we didn't really stop,we just didn't have time and our marriage came apart.  I resented him for not noticing that I needed his authority and accountability.  I started to feel unloved and unnoticed and we ended up in a really bad place.  After a few sessions with a marriage therapist, she recommended that we re-commit to maintenance spankings at a minimum of two times per week.  She also recommended that we use a spanking machine or put in place a regular method for self spanking when my husband is gone for work.

It took us several months to get this going but I am happy to report that our marriage is back on track and blossoming and has never felt better for either of us.  I thought we were on the verge of divorce and now I can't imagine being without him.

How we turned things around:

1.  I was given two maintenance spankings a week and these were not just vague spankings which I think is where couples miss out on the meaning of the maintenance spanking.  They are supposed to help you maintain good behavior and do the things you want to do.  So, our therapist recommended that before each maintenance spanking, I write down what I wanted to be reminded of and my husband reads it with me.  He then tells me to take off my clothes and bend over his knees.  While I'm feeling vulnerable draped over his lap he reminds me of my list and commits himself to help hold me accountable for everything on that list.  Then he asks me what will happen if I stray from the list and I verbally acknowledge that I will be punished.  This verbal communication is important to keep us bonded and focused on the joint goal of becoming a better person and it bonds us in our commitment to each other.  He spanks me with his bare hand long and hard, usually around 200 swats or until my bottom is bright red and hot and I am crying.  Then he sends me to stand in the corner for 2 minutes so that I can focus on the discipline.

2.  Our therapist recommended that punishment sessions were more forceful and issued right away.  This is hard when we're not alone or in public, but we made a commitment to try to be better at it.  We were once really good at it but over time we lost the motivation or he would let me beg my way out of it.  Now, we have two silent tools, one kept at home and one that he has me carry in my handbag wherever we go.  The moment I swear or cop an attitude, he whisks me into a private bathroom and gives me 25-50 whips with the loopy johnny making sure my bottom is red and stingy so that I am reminded of it for the rest of the night.  No one is the wiser and I am immediately reminded that he is noticing and will do whatever is needed in the moment to hold me accountable.  It shows me instantly how much he loves me and how committed he is to us.

3.  Discipline sessions are more severe and his authority is executed more sternly.  This was recommended by our therapist as well because I was becoming depressed and she recommended that my negativity be added to our list and the punishment such that it would deter me from feeling negative about myself and the world.  It sounds odd but it has worked wonders.  When sadness or depression swoops in on me, my husband paddles it away and refocuses me for the rest of the day or even the next several days.  These sessions are longer, usually 15-20 minutes of being whipped with his belt, the longer whip that stings and sometimes even the paddle or cane.  For him it's a huge release as well just knowing that he can do something to help relieve my depression.  It makes him feel better to release his frustration onto my bottom knowing it is helping me.  He whips me until he's exhausted and I'm sobbing and my bottom is hot and red and sore.  I don't forget these sessions for days because it hurts to sit down, but they have helped me and saved our marriage.

4.  Self-spanking and the machine.  When he is gone which is more often now than it used to be, I am instructed to self-spank.  He taught me how to administer a solid spanking by myself and I now do this once a week.  If I need to be punished while he is gone, I confess to him over the phone what I have done that deserves punishment and he instructs me of how many swats to take from the spanking machine.  He then watches via the computer while I receive my discipline, promising me that there will be more when he gets home and can deal with it directly.  Self-spanking and the spanking machine have kept me calm and in a better place when he is gone.

That's all for now.  There's more that I'll share later but if you have fallen off the horse, take my advice and put these 4 steps back into your marriage.  You will be happier and healthier!

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Monday, July 24, 2017

It Will Save Your Marriage

We got a lot of emails asking us to outline our DD methods and what works best.  We're happy to share what we do but you need to know that what works for one couple might not be the right tactic for another.  You have to be willing to try new things and change things that aren't working.


The trick to submission and dominance is consistency.  When consistency fails, the whole thing breaks down.  The woman starts to feel unloved, unwanted and unnoticed.  She begins to harbor resentment and sadness and anger toward her husband.  He feels this change and becomes defensive because he doesn't understand why she is behaving this way toward him.  It can quickly become a dark spiral of marital turmoil.  So if you are going to commit to a DD relationship, you have to have a solid commitment from both partners in order for both partners to reap the benefits.


Submission to the man she loves makes her feel loved and gives her the freedom to relinquish her heart completely to him, trusting him with every element of their lives.  When she knows that she no longer has the power to destroy the marriage, she relaxes and becomes a being that is peace-filled and stable.  He holds the reins and this allows her to rest in his love.  If she misbehaves, or does something that could be damaging to the marriage, he will hold her accountable.  There will be restitution and resolution through her submission.  It gives her a feeling of safety.  It is an unbelievable feeling when the man you love will take you over his knee to clean the slate, save you from yourself and ultimately protect the marriage.


Men were designed to be the dominant partner.  They are the protector and provider and defender by nature.  Dominance isn't about power but about love.  It can be difficult to punish the woman you love, especially when you know that spanking her bottom brings physical pain.  It takes great strength to be the dominant male.  In taking the woman he loves over his knee and helping her to shape her behavior, he gains the security of knowing her love is so deep and her trust in him so mighty that she will submit her body to him.  One body, one flesh.  When he disciplines her, he shapes the marriage as well, forcing turmoil away and opening the doorway for peace in their home and their hearts.  He gains the security of her love.


Fewer couples who participate in DD end up in divorce.  The divorce rate for couples is over 55% in the US and Britain.  For DD couples it is under 10%.  In additional, fewer DD couples engage in extra-marital affairs than other couples.  They also fight less about money and statistically engage in sexual activity more frequently.  Bringing the balance of submission and dominance into your marriage is relationship altering and the equivalent of marital salvation.  It brings the male-female nature into harmony.  DD is not about beating your wife into submission.  It is about finding a pathway toward submission together.  It is not about power but about offering each other an exchange of unconditional love.  It is a love that no matter the infraction, it can prevail.  No matter the pain, it can overcome.  It gives partners the security and safety every marriage needs.


Start and re-start your marriage with a boot camp.  Boot camp is a step-by-step guide to submission and it is crucial in getting the mindset right and bringing your marriage into balance.

We recommend a 3-4 day short boot camp that looks something like this:
Day 1:  
a) Upon waking up, husband needs to inform his wife that she will be receiving a spanking at such and such a time and give her instructions.  (i.e. at 9:50am remove all of your clothing and stand in the corner reflecting on what infractions you will be punished for going forward.  At 9:55am, bring all of the tools downstairs and bend over the couch.  At 10:00am we will discuss each item and give a sample whipping for each.)  Spanking should be long, hard and include many instruments.  You are setting the tone for what is expected.  Example:  If you lie to me, you will receive a minimum of 50 lashes with the cane.  Issue that punishment so your expectations and the consequences are clear.  Do this with each item and assign a tool to it.  She mush be spanked to tears for the message to get through.  If she is not crying, you are not doing it hard or long or fast enough.  When the session is finished, send her back to the corner for a minimum of 3 minutes.  Do not make love or be intimate until she has had corner time to process the meaning of her actions and the resulting consequences. When the 3 minutes is up then you may indulge in intimacy in any way you like.
b)  In the afternoon, give her a spontaneous hard hand-spanking (minimum of 100-150 swats)  Explain to her that you will always be watching and you will be quick to respond with punishment if her behavior warrants it.
c)  Before bedtime talk with her about how important an attitude of submission is to the success of your marriage.  Tell her what you expect and the things you will not tolerate.  Take off her clothing, have her lie on her back, raise her legs into the air so that you and she are looking at each other and her bottom is exposed to you, and give her a hard, fast, hand spanking while maintaining eye contact. This lets her know that you see her, all of her, the good and the bad, that you love her for who she is, that she needn't ever hide anything from you.  This eye contact while you are spanking her is a very important step in her being able to trust you.  Submission is built on trust so she must see that you will look her in the face even when she has done something wrong and love her enough to relieve her of the guilt and shame by punishing her.  Again, spank her to tears and then share in intimacy and hold each other through the night.

Day 2:
Use similar techniques for Day 2, except instead of focusing on the behaviors that will bring on punishment, focus on past behaviors for which she believes she needs to atone.  Common ones are lies, past fights, inappropriate flirtations, infidelity, manipulations, etc.  Address these without anger or blaming or fighting.  She must tell you what each one is and then one-by-one in separate sessions throughout the day and night, you clean whatever it is from her slate.  This allows her to forgive herself once and for all and to put the shame away.  These sessions can be emotional and they must be to tears.

Day 3:
Use similar techniques from Day 2, except today is about you and your feelings and clearing your slate from the frustrations and pain of the past.  Some of those things might be the same things that she mentioned yesterday and some may be applicable only to you.  Address each one and express how they made you feel.  One-by-one in separate sessions throughout the day and night allow her to come to you and offer herself for the sake of your restitution.  She must bare herself as a gift to you, giving her body for your cleansing and the cleansing of the marriage.  If Day 1 and Day 2 have gone well, this will be something she desperately wants to do.  These spankings are true punishment for her and healing for you.  Example:  if she has wronged you with infidelity, you owe it to her and to yourself to free yourself of those emotions once and for all, even when you have buried them deep and put them away.  Allow them to resurface and instead of using hateful words that will demean and crush the marriage, use your belt safely and sternly across her bottom to say what you feel and reveal a cleansed and renewed bond.  This is a difficult day for husbands because it entails tapping into your emotions and then letting them out.  But, when you do this, it will free your mind and unburden your heart in ways you never imagined.

After boot camp, it is important that you develop a consistent and constant schedule of discipline.  A daily reminder spanking is the best, most successful route.  If you can't do that, then work out a schedule to be able to do it on days when you are together.  Get a spanking machine and watch via skype or facetime if needed.  Teach self-spanking if that is a viable option with your spouse.  If you travel a lot like me, your wife's bottom should be bright red every day you are home to make up for the days you are gone.  It is your duty.  Have her chart or write nightly to you, defining any infractions so that you can cater the machine to issue a punishment in your absence or so that you can design a punishment strategy for when you arrive home.  Be willing to alter the schedule when needed.

IMPORTANT:  Sometime after boot camp, spank her in public.  Not in front of other people but in a public place so that she knows that just because you are in public it doesn't mean you aren't willing and ready to take her over your knee.  If you're on the road, pull over at a private spot, have her bend over the back seat with her bare bottom exposed and give her a hard hand spanking.  If you are in a restaurant or mall, go to the bathroom, take off your belt and give her a strapping she won't forget.  At a friend or relative's house, take her discreetly into the bathroom, bend her over the sink and whip her with a belt or a plastic hangar or a hair brush handle.  It is imperative that she understands that you still hold the reins even in public.


Mon - Thursday:  Heather receives a reminder spanking with the machine in the morning.

Friday - Sunday:  Heather receives a reminder spanking from me in the morning.

Friday afternoon:  We address any of the infractions she wrote down in her journal that week and discuss what her punishment will be.  She stands naked in the corner to reflect on what she will receive.

Friday evening:  She receives a punishment session.  These can last up to an hour as they include addressing every infraction individually and corner time.

During the weekend Heather receives punishment spankings whenever her behavior warrants it, which is typically two-to-three times per weekend.

Find what works for you and DO IT!

Sometimes We All Need A Little Help

I don't blog as much as I used to because there just isn't enough time and we've been trying some other methods of discipline that don't involve me blogging about every time I am given a whipping. We have tried a lot of things and I want to tell you about the most recent ones that have really worked well for us.

As all of you guys know my hubby travels for work and sometimes works from home in his home office that is in our basement.  I've gotten many spankings in his office at home, so much that whenever he calls me down there I get those nerves of anticipation in my belly.  Lately, like the past year, he's been traveling over seas more and those are longer trips.  It's taken a toll on me and on our marriage in a way because we haven't been as joined together as we used to be.  I have gotten lonely sometimes and started doing more stuff with my friends and our neighbors.

Three months ago, my hubby was home and we had some of our neighbors over for dinner and drinks and games.  One neighbor, Mitch, I've been hanging out with more often then the others lately and I guess maybe we've been a little more flirty then we should have been.  He rubbed his thumb over my shoulder during our card game and my husband noticed it right away.  When everybody left for the night, my hubby asked me if I had fucked Mitch.  It blew up into a horrible fight and we realized that I was angry at him for being gone so much and he was angry at me for being lonely and needing more attention.  He asked me if I wanted to fuck Mitch and though I had never done anything with Mitch, I couldn't deny that his attention felt really good to me.  My husband asked me if I had been unfaithful to him?  No.  I hadn't, not with my body but with my thoughts, maybe I had.  I broke down sobbing feeling awful and angry.  What was worse was he didn't spank me for my admission of having unfaithful thoughts.  He didn't do anything.

Weeks went by and it was awful.  I thought our marriage was ending.  Then a package came in the mail and he took it downstairs to his office without showing it to me.  My mind started to wonder if he was seeing someone on the side and that's why he didn't punish me for having thoughts about Mitch.  A few hours later he called me downstairs and told me that he didn't punish me for my thoughts about Mitch because he knew that the way I was feeling was partially his fault.  He said he had neglected me and our marriage and had let his work get in the way of our health.  He apologized to me and told me how important I was to him and how much he loved me. I couldn't believe it.  I was so relieved to hear him take responsibility for us and to hear him acknowledge that he had left me and left our marriage behind to his job.  We made love on the couch in his office and it was beautiful.

Afterwards, as I was starting to get dressed, he told me to leave my panties off.  I knew immediately what that meant.  He was going to spank me.  He told me that he was going to discipline me for allowing myself to become flirty with Mitch and for letting myself entertain romantic notions about him.  I knew I deserved this punishment.  He bent me over the arm of the couch, slid his belt from his pants that were on the floor, and gave me a long, hard whipping.  He then sent me to the corner to think about why I allowed myself to be flirty with another man.  He then brought me back over to the couch and over his knee where he gave me a hard hand spanking until I cried in his arms, admitting that I knew it was wrong and asking for his forgiveness.

Back to the corner to think about how my actions brought on these consequences.  Then he told me to put my hands atop his desk and bend over.  I did and awaited the sting of his belt but it didn't come.  Instead he sat down in his chair behind his desk, facing me.  He pushed a button on a remote and I heard a whirring sound and then felt the slap of a paddle.  I looked at him, confused for a moment and then realized that he had placed a spanking machine on the desk.  It was set for ten minutes.  He folded his arms and watched quietly as I received several more slaps with the paddle.  "Every day that I am traveling, you will come down here, take off your panties, bend over my desk and get a spanking to remind you that even when I'm not here, I still care about you, about your behavior and about our marriage."  I cried as he spoke.

He set the machine to maximum levels so it would issue a hard spanking every time.  I've been using it regularly at his request.  I haven't even thought about Mitch or any other man.  Sometimes, when I have infractions in other areas and he is gone, he will call me at night, instruct me to go downstairs for my punishment and then stay on the phone talking to me while I get a spanking.

Our marriage is better, we are connected and close again and it's all thanks to a spanking machine.  If you or your spouse travels and you've felt the disconnect and the loneliness and haven't been able to discipline or be disciplined the way you know is needed for a healthy marriage, get one of these machines, lay down the rules and obey them.  You will be better!

Monday, February 13, 2017


It's been a while since I've blogged but that doesn't mean it's been a while since I've had my bottom spanked.  My husband took the pre-spanking blogging requirement off of my list for a while but added it back on today because he said we've been getting a lot of emails requesting the blog to be updated.  So here I am writing this while waiting to be disciplined.  Actually, I'm waiting to be punished and I know that I've got what's coming.

For the past six or seven months I've really only gotten maintenance spankings with the exception of two instances when I earned a punishment and he gave me a walloping.  The first was when I had had too much to drink and I got mouthy with him and with his brother and his wife.  We disagreed on some issues that I won't go into here but my hubby wasn't happy with the way I handled myself at dinner.  He warned me twice by giving me a look and touching his belt buckle, which is the sign that I am treading on thin ice, but I didn't care.  I had drank too much and I was hell bent on saying my piece.  He excused us to the bathroom, bent me over the sink and whipped my bare bottom until I was red, sore and apologizing.

The second instance was when I spent too much money on the credit card, which is now a new item added to my list.  I knew I had gone overboard but I guess I was hoping he wouldn't notice.  When the bill came, he called me to his office in the basement, showed me the charges and then informed me that after the kids were in bed I was going to be punished.  That night he took me down to his office, locked the basement door so the kids couldn't come down, took off all of my clothes and had me stand in the corner for 3 minutes.  The anticipation was killing me.  He then bent me over the top of his desk, and gave me a whipping, first with his belt, then the wooden paddle and then the cane.  I was crying when he sent me back to the corner for another 3 minutes to think about why I was being punished.  After that, he put me over his knee and spanked me long and hard until I sobbed.  I was crying more from the embarrassment of earning the punishment than from physical pain, though it does hurt when he paddles me.

Other than those two times, I've only received maintenance or reminder spankings, except for the one that's about to happen now.  This punishment is coming because of  a culmination of my attitude and my jealousy, which he doesn't tolerate, especially since he hasn't given me any reason to be jealous. I know I need to be disciplined and I know I will be better after it, but I still get anxious and fearful that it's going to hurt.  He took the kids to school and before leaving, instructed me to take off my clothes and post this blog explaining what was going to happen.  He told me that when he gets home, he will put me in the corner so that I can solely focus on the reason I am getting punished.  Then I will bend over the side of the bed and he will stand behind me and spank me with the strap.  It always hurts more when he stands instead of sits because it has a greater sting.  That is for my attitude.  Then he will bend me over the dresser and whip me with the cane, for my cursing.  Next, I will go over his knee for a paddling with the wooden ping pong paddle.  And then he'll finish up with a handspanking over his knee.

So here I sit, my bare bottom exposed and waiting for his correction upon it.

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Quiet Spankings When Kids Are Home

One of the questions we are ask most often is how can couples administer discipline when there are children in the home?  This makes things challenging for sure, but it can be done.  It takes a huge commitment to obedience and follow-thru.

Here are some pointers:

1.  Invest in a silent tool like a Loopy Johnny or a plastic hanger will work.

2.  Get a mindset that spankings will be quick and quiet and that any type of sexual gratifications will most likely be delayed until later.

3.  Come up with a code that the children do not recognize, but that tells your partner to go to the designated room and prepare for a spanking.   (If our children are home my husband touches the front of his belt buckle and I know that I need to go prepare.)

4.  The bathroom is a good place to administer discipline because you can turn on the shower or the fan to mask sound.

5.  Administer quick swats with a silent tool and then follow it with corner time.  If the message hasn't gotten through, administer another set of swats followed by more corner time.

6.  The moment an infraction is made issue discipline immediately.  This is crucial to the success of the dominant/submissive, loving relationship.  If you do not hold your partner accountable immediately they will begin to dis-respect your authority and they will begin to feel unloved and unnoticed.

7.  Don't make the mistake of taking it easy or being overly gentle during discipline.  If a rule was broken, punishment is earned.  It's that simple.  You are not being mean by giving your partner the discipline they deserve.  In fact, if you intentionally don't give a harsh spanking that has been earned, you are causing more damage than good.

8.  If you are new to DD or if you have taken a long break from it for whatever reasons, start over with a training period/boot camp.  That means each morning begin the day with a maintenance or reminder paddling and naked corner time.  Again, the bathroom is the ideal place for this.  Get up before the kids are awake, have your partner strip naked, bend her over the sink or the tub or your lap and issue a sound spanking with a quiet tool.  Send her immediately to the corner so that she can process your authority and her decision to submit to it.  This is very important to start her day off with the right mindset.  Likewise, before bed, after the kids are asleep, give her another maintenance spanking or address issues where she may have wavered in attitude or action during the day.  The goal is that every time she sits down she is reminded of your love and the safety of your authority.

These steps will help you but you've got to commit to doing them.  No arguing and no begging.  We have a rule in our home, if I argue or beg, it's 50 swats with his belt on top of whatever discipline I have already earned.

Thursday, May 5, 2016

A Bare Red Bottom

When I'm about to get a spanking for something I know I have done wrong, I feel knotted inside. When he makes me stand in the corner before the spanking, I can't help but replay the infraction over and over in my brain.  That time, though only a few minutes, helps prepare me to have a submissive attitude so that when he bends me over, I am ready to accept the spanking.

His authority is arousing even though the spanking hurts.  He paddles me hard and fast usually and it stings.  If he's giving me an all around discipline session, he will use multiple tools and then my butt gets really red and sore.  But, his message gets driven home.

Nothing proves as a better reminder than a bare, red bottom.

Why We Do DD

I don't have a lot of time to blog anymore but I do still keep a journal of our DD journey.  Someday I'll enter all of my journal entries into this blog.  The DD lifestyle is a journey indeed and we learn what works and what doesn't work as we try new things.  The past couple of months we've tried many things that haven't worked.  I'm going to post specifically about those later in the week, but today I want to tell you about why this lifestyle works for us.  Lots of people question it and even judge us for it.  Many people have said that it is abusive and that's what I want to clarify the most.  The DD lifestyle is not abusive at all.  In fact, it's the opposite of abuse.  It's pure, strong, unconditional love.

My husband has never hurt me, and by hurt I mean intentionally hit me or abused me in a way that was purposefully done to inflict harm.  He doesn't scream at me nor strike me.  He doesn't embarrass me in front of our family, friends or public places.  He respects me for who I am and loves me deeply and tenderly.  That's why this lifestyle works for us.

I want to be the best woman I can be.  I want to be a good person, a good mother and a good wife.  I want to be honest and non-judgmental and I never want to be lazy.  I want to be healthy for myself and for our family and I don't want to say or do things that will hurt myself or my kids or my husband.  By the same token, my husband wants to be the best man he can be.  He strives to be a protector and provider for us and to be an attentive father and husband.  He is gentle, affectionate and strong.  There is a natural balance in our marriage and it works well for us.

When things get out of balance, we argue and fight or sometimes begin to grow apart.  Like any marriage we have hit rough patches along the way.  Most, not all but most, of the rough patches were caused by me.  I carried a lot of guilt over this fact.  So, when I learned about the DD lifestyle, I brought the idea to my husband and asked him if we could try it.  I asked him to hold me accountable and to discipline me when necessary.

He was hesitant to comply at first but we began the journey together and it has only brought us closer.

I gave him a list of things I wanted to improve on and we discussed the list.  These things weren't HIS rules imposed on me.  They were my ideas and I brought them to him to help hold me accountable.

For example:  Over-spending.  I know that overspending puts stress on our family and I don't want to do that.  I can be an impulse shopper and I want a deterrent from impulse buying.  So, we decided on a budget and if I go over that budget, he will hold me accountable to it.  This usually means I am draped over his knee for a solid paddling and then into the corner naked to think about it and then bent over for a belt whipping to drive the point home.  I know when I overspend that I will be punished hard and I also know that I deserve that punishment.

Some people think this is cruel, but that's because they don't see the compassion and the love that goes into it.  I don't get beaten if I go a cent over budget.  If there are times I have to exceed the budget I call him and tell him why and then I am not punished.  It has taught me the value of money and the need to be selective in what I purchase and not be frivolous with our income.  When I blatantly ignore the budget is when I am held accountable and disciplined.

Spanking me is not abusing me.  Spanking me is protecting me and our marriage and our family from behaviors that can negatively affect us.  By taking me over his knee, he is assuring me that he will not let me, my mistakes or anything destroy us.

Sometimes it is hard to face the fact that I need to be disciplined.  When he puts my legs in the air and spanks me while looking me in the eyes and addressing why I am being punished, I feel embarrassed and ashamed.  But I know it is needed so that I will change my behavior.

The same hands that spank me are the ones that hold me and touch me and love me and it is an amazing bond.  I trust him with all of me and I know that he would never jeopardize us or our family on a whim.  Incorporating the DD lifestyle into our lives has saved our marriage and brought us closer than I ever thought we would be.  He is my very best friend.