It Will Save Your Marriage

We got a lot of emails asking us to outline our DD methods and what works best.  We're happy to share what we do but you need to know that what works for one couple might not be the right tactic for another.  You have to be willing to try new things and change things that aren't working.

TIPS

The trick to submission and dominance is consistency.  When consistency fails, the whole thing breaks down.  The woman starts to feel unloved, unwanted and unnoticed.  She begins to harbor resentment and sadness and anger toward her husband.  He feels this change and becomes defensive because he doesn't understand why she is behaving this way toward him.  It can quickly become a dark spiral of marital turmoil.  So if you are going to commit to a DD relationship, you have to have a solid commitment from both partners in order for both partners to reap the benefits.

HER BENEFITS BY BEING SUBMISSIVE

Submission to the man she loves makes her feel loved and gives her the freedom to relinquish her heart completely to him, trusting him with every element of their lives.  When she knows that she no longer has the power to destroy the marriage, she relaxes and becomes a being that is peace-filled and stable.  He holds the reins and this allows her to rest in his love.  If she misbehaves, or does something that could be damaging to the marriage, he will hold her accountable.  There will be restitution and resolution through her submission.  It gives her a feeling of safety.  It is an unbelievable feeling when the man you love will take you over his knee to clean the slate, save you from yourself and ultimately protect the marriage.

HIS BENEFITS BY BEING DOMINANT

Men were designed to be the dominant partner.  They are the protector and provider and defender by nature.  Dominance isn't about power but about love.  It can be difficult to punish the woman you love, especially when you know that spanking her bottom brings physical pain.  It takes great strength to be the dominant male.  In taking the woman he loves over his knee and helping her to shape her behavior, he gains the security of knowing her love is so deep and her trust in him so mighty that she will submit her body to him.  One body, one flesh.  When he disciplines her, he shapes the marriage as well, forcing turmoil away and opening the doorway for peace in their home and their hearts.  He gains the security of her love.

BENEFITS FOR BOTH

Fewer couples who participate in DD end up in divorce.  The divorce rate for couples is over 55% in the US and Britain.  For DD couples it is under 10%.  In additional, fewer DD couples engage in extra-marital affairs than other couples.  They also fight less about money and statistically engage in sexual activity more frequently.  Bringing the balance of submission and dominance into your marriage is relationship altering and the equivalent of marital salvation.  It brings the male-female nature into harmony.  DD is not about beating your wife into submission.  It is about finding a pathway toward submission together.  It is not about power but about offering each other an exchange of unconditional love.  It is a love that no matter the infraction, it can prevail.  No matter the pain, it can overcome.  It gives partners the security and safety every marriage needs.

BOOT CAMP

Start and re-start your marriage with a boot camp.  Boot camp is a step-by-step guide to submission and it is crucial in getting the mindset right and bringing your marriage into balance.

We recommend a 3-4 day short boot camp that looks something like this:
Day 1:  
a) Upon waking up, husband needs to inform his wife that she will be receiving a spanking at such and such a time and give her instructions.  (i.e. at 9:50am remove all of your clothing and stand in the corner reflecting on what infractions you will be punished for going forward.  At 9:55am, bring all of the tools downstairs and bend over the couch.  At 10:00am we will discuss each item and give a sample whipping for each.)  Spanking should be long, hard and include many instruments.  You are setting the tone for what is expected.  Example:  If you lie to me, you will receive a minimum of 50 lashes with the cane.  Issue that punishment so your expectations and the consequences are clear.  Do this with each item and assign a tool to it.  She mush be spanked to tears for the message to get through.  If she is not crying, you are not doing it hard or long or fast enough.  When the session is finished, send her back to the corner for a minimum of 3 minutes.  Do not make love or be intimate until she has had corner time to process the meaning of her actions and the resulting consequences. When the 3 minutes is up then you may indulge in intimacy in any way you like.
b)  In the afternoon, give her a spontaneous hard hand-spanking (minimum of 100-150 swats)  Explain to her that you will always be watching and you will be quick to respond with punishment if her behavior warrants it.
c)  Before bedtime talk with her about how important an attitude of submission is to the success of your marriage.  Tell her what you expect and the things you will not tolerate.  Take off her clothing, have her lie on her back, raise her legs into the air so that you and she are looking at each other and her bottom is exposed to you, and give her a hard, fast, hand spanking while maintaining eye contact. This lets her know that you see her, all of her, the good and the bad, that you love her for who she is, that she needn't ever hide anything from you.  This eye contact while you are spanking her is a very important step in her being able to trust you.  Submission is built on trust so she must see that you will look her in the face even when she has done something wrong and love her enough to relieve her of the guilt and shame by punishing her.  Again, spank her to tears and then share in intimacy and hold each other through the night.

Day 2:
Use similar techniques for Day 2, except instead of focusing on the behaviors that will bring on punishment, focus on past behaviors for which she believes she needs to atone.  Common ones are lies, past fights, inappropriate flirtations, infidelity, manipulations, etc.  Address these without anger or blaming or fighting.  She must tell you what each one is and then one-by-one in separate sessions throughout the day and night, you clean whatever it is from her slate.  This allows her to forgive herself once and for all and to put the shame away.  These sessions can be emotional and they must be to tears.

Day 3:
Use similar techniques from Day 2, except today is about you and your feelings and clearing your slate from the frustrations and pain of the past.  Some of those things might be the same things that she mentioned yesterday and some may be applicable only to you.  Address each one and express how they made you feel.  One-by-one in separate sessions throughout the day and night allow her to come to you and offer herself for the sake of your restitution.  She must bare herself as a gift to you, giving her body for your cleansing and the cleansing of the marriage.  If Day 1 and Day 2 have gone well, this will be something she desperately wants to do.  These spankings are true punishment for her and healing for you.  Example:  if she has wronged you with infidelity, you owe it to her and to yourself to free yourself of those emotions once and for all, even when you have buried them deep and put them away.  Allow them to resurface and instead of using hateful words that will demean and crush the marriage, use your belt safely and sternly across her bottom to say what you feel and reveal a cleansed and renewed bond.  This is a difficult day for husbands because it entails tapping into your emotions and then letting them out.  But, when you do this, it will free your mind and unburden your heart in ways you never imagined.

After boot camp, it is important that you develop a consistent and constant schedule of discipline.  A daily reminder spanking is the best, most successful route.  If you can't do that, then work out a schedule to be able to do it on days when you are together.  Get a spanking machine and watch via skype or facetime if needed.  Teach self-spanking if that is a viable option with your spouse.  If you travel a lot like me, your wife's bottom should be bright red every day you are home to make up for the days you are gone.  It is your duty.  Have her chart or write nightly to you, defining any infractions so that you can cater the machine to issue a punishment in your absence or so that you can design a punishment strategy for when you arrive home.  Be willing to alter the schedule when needed.

IMPORTANT:  Sometime after boot camp, spank her in public.  Not in front of other people but in a public place so that she knows that just because you are in public it doesn't mean you aren't willing and ready to take her over your knee.  If you're on the road, pull over at a private spot, have her bend over the back seat with her bare bottom exposed and give her a hard hand spanking.  If you are in a restaurant or mall, go to the bathroom, take off your belt and give her a strapping she won't forget.  At a friend or relative's house, take her discreetly into the bathroom, bend her over the sink and whip her with a belt or a plastic hangar or a hair brush handle.  It is imperative that she understands that you still hold the reins even in public.

OUR CURRENT SCHEDULE

Mon - Thursday:  Heather receives a reminder spanking with the machine in the morning.

Friday - Sunday:  Heather receives a reminder spanking from me in the morning.

Friday afternoon:  We address any of the infractions she wrote down in her journal that week and discuss what her punishment will be.  She stands naked in the corner to reflect on what she will receive.

Friday evening:  She receives a punishment session.  These can last up to an hour as they include addressing every infraction individually and corner time.

During the weekend Heather receives punishment spankings whenever her behavior warrants it, which is typically two-to-three times per weekend.

Find what works for you and DO IT!

Spanking Pics

Some pics you might like:

A Very Merry Shade of Red

The holidays are a hard time of year for me because I get so overloaded with stuff to do and getting ready for Christmas just gets tiring.  Because of this I get cranky and last night my husband had had enough of my crankiness.  He waiting until our kids were in bed and then he said to me, "Go upstairs, pull down your pants and stand in the corner and wait for me."

I said, "Why?!!!"

He said, "Because you need an attitude adjustment and I'm sick of being treated disrespectfully."

I was pissed off.  I stormed upstairs and stood in the corner but I didn't pull down my pants.  I was going to show him!

When he came up and saw that I hadn't done as he asked, he went to the closet and got a plastic hangar.  The plastic hangar stings like hell and is pretty silent.  He then pulled a chair into the center of the room and sat down, instructing me to come over to him.  I did and while he told me that he was going to not only punish me for my bad attitude and crankiness, but also for my disobedience, he unhooked my jeans and pulled them down.  He then pulled down my panties and ran his index finger quickly over my pussy.  "I was going to pleasure you tonight, but it seems you're more in need of a hard spanking."

"NO!" I said, "I would much rather you pleasured me."

"Maybe you should think about that next time you decide to disobey."  With that, he pulled me over the top of his knees and spanked me with the hangar.  I tried to block him a couple of times which resulted in more swats.  I don't know how many swats he gave me, but it was long and hard enough that my butt was on fire when he sent me back to the corner and went to fetch the Loopy Johnny.  That's the whip he uses for my language and for my attitude when we have to be quiet.  This time he had me bend over the bed and he stood behind me and gave me a long beating with the Loopy Johnny.  He told me he wasn't going to stop until I cried and was truly remorseful and he sure didn't.  When I finally sobbed into the pillow and said I was sorry, then he put me back in the corner to think about it.  My butt was burning and felt red hot to the touch. Even today when I sit down I can still feel a stinging sensation on my cheeks.

He informed me last night laying in bed that it was time for us to do another jump start program, which means I'm going to get a spanking every day for a while.  He says my attitude needs to be checked and kept in line and there is evidence to prove that a spanking a day keeps the crankiness away.  He's right, though I don't like it.  It looks like my butt is going to be a very merry shade of red for the holidays.

Exciting News!

Exciting News!

I got an email from the author of the Elise Dugar Episodes.  I guess my blog showed up linked to her name and so she was checking it out and saw that I was a fan of her books.  She's agreed to do an exclusive interview with me!  I'm so excited!  She said she'll give a sneak peek into what she's writing next. 

So, tune in on Wednesday (tomorrow) and meet author Susan Sanchez, author of the Elise Dugar Episodes.  If you haven't read them yet, you've got to read them!

If you don't know who I'm talking about, you can check her page out here:
http://www.amazon.com/Susan-Sanchez/e/B00GIA27C0/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_pop_1

Tune in tomorrow!

 

 

 

Dropping my Pants like F-bombs

My husband doesn’t like it when I curse.  It’s one of the things on my list of things for which I get disciplined.  Honestly, I don’t want to use bad language either but sometimes it just flows out of me.  Whenever I am upset or mad or feel there’s been an injustice or in pain or frustrated, well, you get the picture.  I tend to teeter on the edge of cursing a lot.

Today, my husband came up from his office downstairs right as I was talking to a girlfriend on the phone and venting some of my frustration.  I dropped several f-bombs before I realized he was in the room.  He told me to get off of the phone and bare my bottom immediately, which, of course I didn’t do because my girlfriend was in the middle of talking and it would have been rude to interrupt her.  That made my hubby twice as mad.

“Tell her you’ll call her back and hang up the phone now,” he said.

Finally, about ten minutes later when my girlfriend stopped talking, I made up an excuse why I had to go.  My husband had left a note for me on the kitchen table that read:  “Go get my black belt, the cane and the loopy johnny whip, get naked and come to my office.”

I got butterflies in my stomach when I saw the note.  I knew I was in for a big beating.  Part of me thought to grab my car keys and leave, but I knew once I returned it would be even worse.  So, I fetched the tools, took off my clothes and walked downstairs to his office.  He took the tools from me and told me to stand in the corner.  I did.  He told me that if I was going to be dropping F-bombs then I was going to be dropping my pants.  

 

After a few minutes in the corner, he took me over his knee and gave me a hard, hard, hard spanking with his hand.  My butt was burning hot already when he was through and told me to bend over the arm of the sofa.  He rarely makes me count swats, but he did today and I counted 55 swats with his belt.  My butt was on fire and I was fighting back the urge to cry.  He moved me to the coffee table and instructed me to bend over and place my hands on the table, sticking my butt out toward him.  He then gave me 25 lashes with the cane.  I finally cried.  The cane hurts really bad.  Back over his knee I went for forty swats with the loopy johnny whip while he lectured me on how the F word is not appropriate for a lady to say and should not be said in our home. 

I hope I’ve learned my lesson this time.  My bottom stings even as I sit here typing this.  I wish I didn’t curse and I’m going to try really hard to do better, otherwise I won’t be able to sit down EVER.

After my spanking was over, he kissed me and told me I had a clean slate.  He then told me to try and keep it clean longer than I had kept it clean before.  I’m going to try.  It never ceases to amaze me how much he loves me and how right I feel whenever he holds me accountable to the things in myself that I want to change.  I can’t do it alone and though I don’t like to be punished, I do like the fact that he’s strong enough to take me under his authority and give me a spanking when I need it.  A lot of people think this is strange, but I think it’s wonderful. 

Belted

I've been reading these books on discipline and I've blogged about a couple of them.  Well, this last one I thought was so good I shared it with my hubby, who made the comment that the way the man in book responded was exactly how he would have responded too.  It led us to some pretty deep conversations.  For example:  In the book the man spanks the woman in the stairwell of their apartment building where anyone could have walked in and seen or even overheard what was happening. 

I asked my hubby:  Would you spank me somewhere public like that, where someone might see us?

He said:  If you did to me what she did to him I'd have dragged your ass into the middle of the street and whipped you in plain sight of everyone.

Me:  Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.  That would not be good.

We ended up arguing about what the man could and couldn't do, what was considered "right" or "wrong" and "fair" or "unfair."

Needless to say it escalated into a full on fight and I ended up bent over the counter in the kitchen getting a whipping with his belt.  He chose the belt because that was the name of the book:  Belting Love

He gave me a hard whipping for my attitude and then took me over his knee right before bed for a reminder spanking.  My butt was burning as I crawled into bed.

 

Anyway, despite the fact that I got in trouble ..........AGAIN........ I really am enjoying these books.  If you're an Amazon Prime member like me you can download them for free!  Just click on the pics for the links:

I totally recommend them for men and women, and they are really hot when you read them together.  But watch out for the discussions that follow.  They can get you into a bit of trouble.  :)

DD Breakthrough

Below is an article from a very close friend of me and my husband.  He and his wife have been living the DD lifestyle for many years and have actually taught us a lot.  Sometimes discipline gets stagnant, just as everything in life does.  When it does my ability to respect and be submissive goes by the wayside.  Our friend shared this Breakthrough procedure with us and it works wonders.  I hope this helps you, too.

DD Breakthrough

Most of my readers know that my wife and I have been in a DD (Domestic Discipline) marriage for over 15 years. We’ve had our ups and downs but even she would tell you that the benefits far outweigh the challenges.

My wife is 46 years old and I am 50 years old. We had a good balance of discipline and punishment in our home, up until this year when my wife’s behavior grew worse. Now, that is to say, worse for her. She is a kind, gentle, loving woman and a great mother to our children. But, our regular discipline no longer seemed to be working. Despite her weekly maintenance or what we call reminder spankings, I was having to punish her for things which were not the norm. Her cursing and disrespect elevated to new heights, as did her sarcasm and she was not able to be submissive. It was as if she were PMS-ing all day, every day, and even she would tell you she could not control her aggressive tendencies or attitude.

Finally, my wife went to see her doctor and we learned that she was going through menopause. A light bulb lit and I now understood why it wasn’t working for her and that she and I were going to have to start all over with her discipline.

We talked to some DD friends of ours who had a similar experience and learned that what worked best for them was a jump-start back into submission. It has worked miracles for us. It has calmed my wife and made her feel more relaxed and given her an overall better sense of well-being. She commented the other day that she felt more productive and peaceful after each discipline session and that she felt as though she had learned to trust me deeper. It has made our marriage and our home more peaceful and enjoyable. She said it and I agree that over the past several weeks we have laughed more and loved more.

Here is the system we implemented for our jump-start. I advise you follow it precisely, even though it appears rigid. The time intervals are important for two reasons: first, her bottom will need time to cool off in between sessions and second, the rigid schedule enforces her into an attitude of submission. You may change the times to fit your schedule but do not change the intervals between times. (i.e. if the schedule reads 9 and 11, you can change that to 8 and 10, as long as there remains 2 hours between sessions)

A jump start can be a 3-day, 5-day or 7-day session. The important thing is that you do not have off-days in between. If you can only do it 3 days in a row then choose and commit to the 3-day session.

3-Day Submission Session

Day 1

8:00am	Wife takes off clothing because nakedness is a form of submission. You can allow a robe if you choose, but she needs to be completely naked beneath. She presents husband with a list of her discipline needs.
8:05am	Have wife sit across from husband while he reads her list aloud. Husband reiterates hers and his expectations with regards to the items on the list and adds any new items they discuss. Husband needs to tell his wife that he is going to punish her for each of the items on the list as if she were in violation of each one. This is so she will be reminded of exactly what each infraction will bring her. Husband then instructs her to stand in the corner or assume a position bent over a chair, bed or countertop and await her punishment. This positioning readies her mind for submission.
8:15am	Husband issues punishment for each item listed. This spanking must be hard, fast and no-nonsense. Move from one implement to the next and swat rapidly so that she cannot prepare for the next swat. She must understand that when her behavior strays the consequences will be enforced without being clouded by compassion. You love her which is why you are giving her what she needs and has asked of you. Husbands must set the bar here so set it high. This session doesn’t end until she is weeping beneath your hand. If she fights, kicks or tries to block you, she earns 50 rapid swats with the most painful implement you possess. This is imperative to teaching her how to submit to you. When you are finished, instruct her to stay bent over and leave her there for several minutes until she stops crying. After this, making love is optional. Before you leave the room, instruct her that at 10:15am, she is to list the two items she needs the most work, get out the two implements she deserves most and bring them to you.
10:15am	When she brings you the list of two items and two implements, you discuss and decide how many swats she will receive for each item listed. It is recommended 75-100 swats per item. Again, this may seem like a lot, but this is a jump-start session that you don’t want your wife to forget. It will shape her going forward.
10:30am	Wife is to be fully naked and bring you the first implement. It is important that she come to you with the implement as a sign of her readiness to submit. She needs to come and ask you to give her a spanking. Spank her thoroughly and without stopping. When finished with the first item she is to stand in the corner naked until she feels ready to bring you the second implement and ask you to give her a spanking for the second item on her list. Spank her thoroughly and without stopping. While you are spanking her you need to verbally reaffirm that you are going to work together toward better behavior in this area and that you will hold her accountable.
12:00pm	Tell your wife to bear her bottom immediately no matter where in the home she is, bend her over whatever object is nearby and give her a hard, old-fashioned hand spanking. Don’t stop until she is shedding real tears and your hand and her bottom are bright red. On average this is 200+ swats.
2:30pm	Instruct you wife to bear her bottom and stand in the corner. If she objects in any way, verbally or nonverbally, then she receives a spanking. If she submits without objection, give her a few moments in the corner and then tell her she can pull up her pants and resume her day. This is a test of how submissive her attitude is. Don’t expect her to submit without objection the first day, but by the third day she will have succeeded in learning submission.

Day 2 and Day 3 are the same schedule, but instead of going over the same list of items you are working on mastering, she will need to provide different list items. For us, Day 2 was used as a past cleansing. Behaviors or actions from the past, some for which my wife had already been punished and cleansed, but she felt she needed to address them again or more specifically and have me hold her accountable. This was a freeing day for her and for me as well. There is a cleansing in confessing our sins to one another and allowing ourselves to be punished for that sin. There is also a freedom in being able to issue the punishment when you have been wronged, to say I am going to punish you and then forgive you. It is a powerful coming together for a man and a woman. I highly recommend the past cleansing for Day 2.

Day 3 is an internal cleansing. Your wife brings to you a list of internal things, things only she knows or feels that she wants you to either know or hold her accountable for. One of these items on my wife’s list was her being internally judgmental of others. We discussed her judgments and she felt better after I had given her a hard paddling for them. These are items only your wife can list and you must be willing to help her come to terms with and overcome them.

At the end of day 3, after having received three hard spankings each day, your wife’s bottom should be adequately sore, but her ability to trust you and submit in just 3 short days will amaze you.

This probably will not happen, but if your wife requires a punishment spanking during one of these three days, issue it as you normally would. Do not wait because her bottom is sore. If you wait she will view it as instability or weakness. If she has earned a spanking, give it to her with immediacy.

See posts labeled 5-Day or 7-Day for longer sessions.