In January I didn't blog much because we were initiating our annual new year boot camp. My butt is still sore but my heart is light. We set up some new rules and I feel like I'm finally grasping the whole submission thing a lot more than I used to. I am beginning to love it and I feel such a deeper love for my husband. He's been noticing me and keeping a watchful presence on my attitude and it feels so good to have his attention. I'll offer up my bare bottom in return for his attention any day, but enough with the sappy stuff, I want to tell you our new rules in hopes that it will help some of you in your discipline journey as well.
1. Corner time BEFORE a spanking never worked to adjust my attitude and in most cases made me more angry or upset. So, after attending a spanking seminar last December, my husband instituted Computer time before the spanking. Here's how it works: He informs me that I am going to receive a spanking in 10-15 minutes, at which time he tells me to strip from the waist down. I then sit at the computer, bare bottomed, and type a paragraph about what is going through my mind before this spanking, and listing the things I am about to be spanked for. (bad language, over spending, disrespect, bad attitude, not taking care of myself, etc.) Do I think I deserve it? What tools do I think he should use? How can I improve my behavior going forward? That sort of stuff. When he comes in to spank me, we read the paragraph together and discuss what I've written.
For example: Today I wrote that I thought I deserved 20 swats with the cane for my foul language. He read it and reminded me of just how bad my language had been and told me he was going to issue 40 swats, which he later did.
The computer time as opposed to corner time helps me organize my thoughts and express my feelings about the upcoming punishment; and so far, it has made me more humble and submissive going into each spanking.
2. He is more verbal before, during and after the spanking. This has helped A LOT in teaching me to be submissive. After he reads my paragraph, he tells me exactly why I am going to be punished and expresses his feelings about it. "I'm going to give you a hard paddling for your foul mouth. I don't want you using those words and it is my job as your husband to help you learn to stop using them." He speaks before each item on our list and explains why I am being punished. "You have misbehaved when it comes to taking care of yourself and I'm not going to sit by and tolerate it. " Sometimes he'll ask me questions that seem silly while reading but help me process and accept the punishment at the time. "Heather, what happens if I don't punish you?" I answer, "things get worse." "And if I let things get worse is that an indication that I love you?" I say, "no." "Sometimes love means we have to be tough enough to administer discipline when and where it is needed. Is that right?" I answer, "yes." "Yes, what, love?" I answer, "yes sir."
Calling him "sir" every now and then when he asks is a tactic that helps teach submission, and I believe now more than ever that it has helped me learn more quickly.
3. Positioning. All punishments shouldn't be OTK. OTK is the least humiliating and most comfortable position for the woman and sometimes true submission and regret doesn't come unless there is a certain amount of humiliation. Some husbands paddle their wives in front of others to achieve this humiliation, but my husband and I think that's too much for us. He's spanked me in public, but not in front of people we know. The same humiliation can be achieved with positioning for a spanking.
For example, he warms my bottom up with an OTK hand spanking, but when he is going to whip me with the belt, he instructs me to stand up, bend over and touch the floor.
When he is going to cane me, I am told to get on all fours either on top the bed or on the floor, and often times he paddles me while I'm laying on my back with my legs in the air, stretched over my head.
This way he looks me in the eyes as he paddles me and I can't tell you how powerful that is. I cry almost every time.
4. Random spankings. My husband will randomly issue maintenance spankings throughout the day and it has kept my attitude in check and kept me on my toes. He'll give me a few moments notice and if I argue or complain or roll my eyes it goes from a maintenance to a full blown punishment; so I've learned to obey his order to pull down my pants and bend over at random. This has helped me learn submission so much more than I can explain. It makes me trust in his authority and his hand on me.
5. Stress spankings. This is new for us and has worked wonders in our marriage. We live, as most of you probably do too, in a high stress environment. My husband's company has laid off several people and he's on egg shells over his job or over having to fire his employees. It's made him super stressed which makes me worry and get stressed too. At the seminar in December, we learned about stress spankings. This is where the wife offers herself as a stress relief to her husband and there's something beautiful about it. My husband got teary eyed the first time I did it. I knew he was overwhelmed and feeling pressure so I took off my clothes and put on my robe, grabbed his belt from the drawer and went to the basement office. I laid the belt at his feet and then bent over the arm of the chair in his office. He didn't want to spank me at first and then I reminded him that I wanted him to release his stress. "Please give me a spanking," I begged until I finally felt the first stingy slap of his belt across my bottom. He whipped me hard that afternoon and then we held each other and wept. His stress was gone and so was all of my worry.
Stress spankings aren't just for the wife to offer to her husband, it works both ways. If the husband sees that his wife is in knots, overwhelmed and stressed out, he needs to take her to a place where he can whip her in private and give her the relief she needs. This is a beautiful bonding action of love between partners.
I'll write more tomorrow.