Top Ten Tips to Make Your New Year a Spanking Success

Happy New Year DD friends!

We hope the new year will bring you resolutions of good behavior and when the behavior slips, we hope you will have good discipline in tact to provide stability in your home.  May you have more maintenance and less punishment spankings this year.

We decided to start 2016 off with some important information about how to bring balance and keep balance in your home.

Follow these steps and we guarantee you will find harmony in your relationship:

1.      1.  Sit down with your partner and write in a maintenance spanking schedule on your calendar.  If it is in writing it will be that much easier to stick to.  **This is especially important for couples who spend a lot of time apart due to their careers.  Choose the date and time and then stick to it. 

2.      2.   Re-evaluate your improvement list and add to it any new resolutions you have made.

3.       3.  Assign a punishment value to every item on the list.  **We have found that this is highly effective in deterring mis-behavior.  i.e. if she knows that ignoring her exercise plan will result in a consistent outpouring of 50 lashes with the cane, she will be more prone to make the choice to do the exercise.

 

4.       4.  Also assign a position to the list.  Your list might look something like this:

Cursing                                 -              25 swats with belt for each curse word           -      OTK

Attitude               -              50 swats with the hairbrush for each occurrence     -   Bent over bed

Exercise               -              50 caning swats     -   Standing with fingers locked behind head

Maintenance     -              10 minute hand spanking   -  OTK

Over-spending  -

Lying                   -

Adultery             -

And so on and so forth.  The new year is the time to assign new values and new positions and then commit yourself to stick to them.

5.       5.  Corner time is a MUST and you need to re-commit to enforcing it.  **Some women are opposed to corner time because they feel it is humiliating so derive an alternative.  A very effective alternative is to have her lie naked over the edge of the bed with her bottom exposed and write down why she is about to be punished and how she can avoid punishment in the future. This is less humiliating for the woman and it allows her to visually process her behavior as she writes it down.  It also gives the husband something to review with her before he begins the discipline session.

6.       6.  Get rid of the excuses!  **The biggest excuse we hear is that couples are rarely alone to execute punishment when needed.  This is fixable with a commitment from both parties.  If there are people in your home when punishment is earned, then leave your home.  Drive to a vacant parking lot, a vacant road, climb into the backseat and provide the discipline that is needed.  Don’t allow yourself to make excuses.  **If children are in the home, pretend to take a shower, turn on the water, the bathroom fan, lock the doors, provide a pillow for the partner being punished to cry into and use a silent tool.  It CAN be done and it MUST be done!

7.      7.   Guilt-Release Session   **We are learning more and more that women carry more guilt than men.  With regards to day-to-day issues men are able to release guilt faster and easier than women.  So, gents, it is your responsibility to help bring your wife or partner relief from the guilt she is experiencing and there’s no better time than the new year to start things off right!

WHAT A GUILT-RELEASE SESSION LOOKS LIKE

a.        The wife writes down a list of all of the things she feels guilty about.  This list might be day-to-day things, people she’s let down, mistakes she’s made in the past or present, etc.  Every woman is different and her list will be unique to her life experiences.

b.      Sit down together and read the list.  This is not a time for judgment or a time to argue that she should or should not feel the way she feels.  If an item is on the list, she is feeling guilty about it, and thusly it must be addressed in order for her to feel relief.  **Many women will cry just in sharing the list because they have a great amount of shame or humiliation attached to the issues they have written down.  This is normal and not an indication that they do not want to follow-through with the session.

c.       Depending on the length of the list, it may need to be broken down into more than one session.  This is permissible, but try to keep the sessions all in the same day.  i.e. one in the morning, one in the afternoon, one in the evening.

d.      Assign a punishment value to each item and write those next to the item.

e.      During the session, eye-contact is extremely important for two reasons:  1) Looking you in the eyes as you discuss the item makes her take full ownership in it.    2) Looking you in the eyes allows her to see your forgiveness and your unconditional love for her.  It makes her feel secure that even in her worse offense, you will not allow her to destroy the relationship. Your strength will bring your relationship back to a place of balance.

f.        Address each item verbally first and then administer the punishment.  **Sometimes an item prompts questions like, “what were you thinking?” or “why would you do that?”  This is okay.  Husbands will often encounter an item on her list that arises feelings of anger in them and that is acceptable.  Putting her over your knee is a means of cleansing both of you, acknowledging the anger she has made you feel and punishing her for the behavior, ultimately restoring balance in the relationship.

8.       8.  She must be naked during a discipline session.  **Couples try to squirm around this one but it is crucial to the success of DD.  Her nakedness is a symbol of her submission to you and of stripping down all exterior factors that stand between you. 

9.       9.  Immediate Punishment is of the utmost important because it is what builds her trust in your ability to lead the home.  **Men, you must prove to her that your word is true and thusly you must do what you say you are going to do.  The more she trusts your follow-through, the quicker she will learn to submit to you and the more peaceful your relationship will be.

1    10. Alone time after a punishment session is needed for at least 3-5 minutes for her to process her behavior and your strength in correcting her.  After the time has lapsed, come back to her and then be affectionate.  **We are learning more and more that immediate sexual gratification is inhibiting the dominant-submissive connection, but adding in affection after a short time of reflection strengthens the connection.

That’s it!  Your top ten new year’s resolutions to start the year off aces!

This message was sent to our newsletter patrons as well but we thought it was helpful and wanted to share with everyone!  Happy New Year!

P.S.  Now, I'm off to get a spanking for being 6 days late at getting the newsletter out.  He asked me three times to get it down and I kept procrastinating.  I am sorry for my delay and I know in about 15 minutes I'm going to be a whole lot sorrier.  He's already laid his belt across the chair and my stomach is trembling with anticipation.  This will be my first punishment spanking of 2016 and I'm certain he's going to make it leave a lasting impression.  

New Nurturing Methods of Discipline

In January I didn't blog much because we were initiating our annual new year boot camp.  My butt is still sore but my heart is light.  We set up some new rules and I feel like I'm finally grasping the whole submission thing a lot more than I used to.  I am beginning to love it and I feel such a deeper love for my husband.  He's been noticing me and keeping a watchful presence on my attitude and it feels so good to have his attention.  I'll offer up my bare bottom in return for his attention any day, but enough with the sappy stuff, I want to tell you our new rules in hopes that it will help some of you in your discipline journey as well.

1.  Corner time BEFORE a spanking never worked to adjust my attitude and in most cases made me more angry or upset.  So, after attending a spanking seminar last December, my husband instituted Computer time before the spanking.  Here's how it works:  He informs me that I am going to receive a spanking in 10-15 minutes, at which time he tells me to strip from the waist down.  I then sit at the computer, bare bottomed, and type a paragraph about what is going through my mind before this spanking, and listing the things I am about to be spanked for.  (bad language, over spending, disrespect, bad attitude, not taking care of myself, etc.)  Do I think I deserve it?  What tools do I think he should use?  How can I improve my behavior going forward?  That sort of stuff.  When he comes in to spank me, we read the paragraph together and discuss what I've written.

For example:  Today I wrote that I thought I deserved 20 swats with the cane for my foul language.  He read it and reminded me of just how bad my language had been and told me he was going to issue 40 swats, which he later did.

The computer time as opposed to corner time helps me organize my thoughts and express my feelings about the upcoming punishment; and so far, it has made me more humble and submissive going into each spanking.

2.  He is more verbal before, during and after the spanking.  This has helped A LOT in teaching me to be submissive.  After he reads my paragraph, he tells me exactly why I am going to be punished and expresses his feelings about it.  "I'm going to give you a hard paddling for your foul mouth.  I don't want you using those words and it is my job as your husband to help you learn to stop using them."  He speaks before each item on our list and explains why I am being punished.  "You have misbehaved when it comes to taking care of yourself and I'm not going to sit by and tolerate it. "  Sometimes he'll ask me questions that seem silly while reading but help me process and accept the punishment at the time.  "Heather, what happens if I don't punish you?"  I answer, "things get worse."   "And if I let things get worse is that an indication that I love you?"  I say, "no."  "Sometimes love means we have to be tough enough to administer discipline when and where it is needed.  Is that right?"   I answer, "yes."    "Yes, what, love?"    I answer, "yes sir."  

Calling him "sir" every now and then when he asks is a tactic that helps teach submission, and I believe now more than ever that it has helped me learn more quickly.

3.  Positioning.  All punishments shouldn't be OTK.  OTK is the least humiliating and most comfortable position for the woman and sometimes true submission and regret doesn't come unless there is a certain amount of humiliation.  Some husbands paddle their wives in front of others to achieve this humiliation, but my husband and I think that's too much for us.  He's spanked me in public, but not in front of people we know.  The same humiliation can be achieved with positioning for a spanking.
For example, he warms my bottom up with an OTK hand spanking, but when he is going to whip me with the belt, he instructs me to stand up, bend over and touch the floor.

When he is going to cane me, I am told to get on all fours either on top the bed or on the floor, and often times he paddles me while I'm laying on my back with my legs in the air, stretched over my head.

This way he looks me in the eyes as he paddles me and I can't tell you how powerful that is.  I cry almost every time.

4.  Random spankings.  My husband will randomly issue maintenance spankings throughout the day and it has kept my attitude in check and kept me on my toes.  He'll give me a few moments notice and if I argue or complain or roll my eyes it goes from a maintenance to a full blown punishment; so I've learned to obey his order to pull down my pants and bend over at random.  This has helped me learn submission so much more than I can explain.  It makes me trust in his authority and his hand on me.

5.  Stress spankings.  This is new for us and has worked wonders in our marriage.  We live, as most of you probably do too, in a high stress environment.  My husband's company has laid off several people and he's on egg shells over his job or over having to fire his employees.  It's made him super stressed which makes me worry and get stressed too.  At the seminar in December, we learned about stress spankings.  This is where the wife offers herself as a stress relief to her husband and there's something beautiful about it.  My husband got teary eyed the first time I did it.  I knew he was overwhelmed and feeling pressure so I took off my clothes and put on my robe, grabbed his belt from the drawer and went to the basement office.  I laid the belt at his feet and then bent over the arm of the chair in his office.  He didn't want to spank me at first and then I reminded him that I wanted him to release his stress.  "Please give me a spanking," I begged until I finally felt the first stingy slap of his belt across my bottom.  He whipped me hard that afternoon and then we held each other and wept.  His stress was gone and so was all of my worry.

Stress spankings aren't just for the wife to offer to her husband, it works both ways.  If the husband sees that his wife is in knots, overwhelmed and stressed out, he needs to take her to a place where he can whip her in private and give her the relief she needs.  This is a beautiful bonding action of love between partners.

I'll write more tomorrow.