Quiet Spankings When Kids Are Home

One of the questions we are ask most often is how can couples administer discipline when there are children in the home?  This makes things challenging for sure, but it can be done.  It takes a huge commitment to obedience and follow-thru.

Here are some pointers:

1.  Invest in a silent tool like a Loopy Johnny or a plastic hanger will work.

2.  Get a mindset that spankings will be quick and quiet and that any type of sexual gratifications will most likely be delayed until later.

3.  Come up with a code that the children do not recognize, but that tells your partner to go to the designated room and prepare for a spanking.   (If our children are home my husband touches the front of his belt buckle and I know that I need to go prepare.)

4.  The bathroom is a good place to administer discipline because you can turn on the shower or the fan to mask sound.

5.  Administer quick swats with a silent tool and then follow it with corner time.  If the message hasn't gotten through, administer another set of swats followed by more corner time.

6.  The moment an infraction is made issue discipline immediately.  This is crucial to the success of the dominant/submissive, loving relationship.  If you do not hold your partner accountable immediately they will begin to dis-respect your authority and they will begin to feel unloved and unnoticed.

7.  Don't make the mistake of taking it easy or being overly gentle during discipline.  If a rule was broken, punishment is earned.  It's that simple.  You are not being mean by giving your partner the discipline they deserve.  In fact, if you intentionally don't give a harsh spanking that has been earned, you are causing more damage than good.

8.  If you are new to DD or if you have taken a long break from it for whatever reasons, start over with a training period/boot camp.  That means each morning begin the day with a maintenance or reminder paddling and naked corner time.  Again, the bathroom is the ideal place for this.  Get up before the kids are awake, have your partner strip naked, bend her over the sink or the tub or your lap and issue a sound spanking with a quiet tool.  Send her immediately to the corner so that she can process your authority and her decision to submit to it.  This is very important to start her day off with the right mindset.  Likewise, before bed, after the kids are asleep, give her another maintenance spanking or address issues where she may have wavered in attitude or action during the day.  The goal is that every time she sits down she is reminded of your love and the safety of your authority.


These steps will help you but you've got to commit to doing them.  No arguing and no begging.  We have a rule in our home, if I argue or beg, it's 50 swats with his belt on top of whatever discipline I have already earned.

A Bare Red Bottom

When I'm about to get a spanking for something I know I have done wrong, I feel knotted inside. When he makes me stand in the corner before the spanking, I can't help but replay the infraction over and over in my brain.  That time, though only a few minutes, helps prepare me to have a submissive attitude so that when he bends me over, I am ready to accept the spanking.

His authority is arousing even though the spanking hurts.  He paddles me hard and fast usually and it stings.  If he's giving me an all around discipline session, he will use multiple tools and then my butt gets really red and sore.  But, his message gets driven home.

Nothing proves as a better reminder than a bare, red bottom.

Why We Do DD

I don't have a lot of time to blog anymore but I do still keep a journal of our DD journey.  Someday I'll enter all of my journal entries into this blog.  The DD lifestyle is a journey indeed and we learn what works and what doesn't work as we try new things.  The past couple of months we've tried many things that haven't worked.  I'm going to post specifically about those later in the week, but today I want to tell you about why this lifestyle works for us.  Lots of people question it and even judge us for it.  Many people have said that it is abusive and that's what I want to clarify the most.  The DD lifestyle is not abusive at all.  In fact, it's the opposite of abuse.  It's pure, strong, unconditional love.

My husband has never hurt me, and by hurt I mean intentionally hit me or abused me in a way that was purposefully done to inflict harm.  He doesn't scream at me nor strike me.  He doesn't embarrass me in front of our family, friends or public places.  He respects me for who I am and loves me deeply and tenderly.  That's why this lifestyle works for us.

I want to be the best woman I can be.  I want to be a good person, a good mother and a good wife.  I want to be honest and non-judgmental and I never want to be lazy.  I want to be healthy for myself and for our family and I don't want to say or do things that will hurt myself or my kids or my husband.  By the same token, my husband wants to be the best man he can be.  He strives to be a protector and provider for us and to be an attentive father and husband.  He is gentle, affectionate and strong.  There is a natural balance in our marriage and it works well for us.

When things get out of balance, we argue and fight or sometimes begin to grow apart.  Like any marriage we have hit rough patches along the way.  Most, not all but most, of the rough patches were caused by me.  I carried a lot of guilt over this fact.  So, when I learned about the DD lifestyle, I brought the idea to my husband and asked him if we could try it.  I asked him to hold me accountable and to discipline me when necessary.

He was hesitant to comply at first but we began the journey together and it has only brought us closer.

I gave him a list of things I wanted to improve on and we discussed the list.  These things weren't HIS rules imposed on me.  They were my ideas and I brought them to him to help hold me accountable.

For example:  Over-spending.  I know that overspending puts stress on our family and I don't want to do that.  I can be an impulse shopper and I want a deterrent from impulse buying.  So, we decided on a budget and if I go over that budget, he will hold me accountable to it.  This usually means I am draped over his knee for a solid paddling and then into the corner naked to think about it and then bent over for a belt whipping to drive the point home.  I know when I overspend that I will be punished hard and I also know that I deserve that punishment.

Some people think this is cruel, but that's because they don't see the compassion and the love that goes into it.  I don't get beaten if I go a cent over budget.  If there are times I have to exceed the budget I call him and tell him why and then I am not punished.  It has taught me the value of money and the need to be selective in what I purchase and not be frivolous with our income.  When I blatantly ignore the budget is when I am held accountable and disciplined.

Spanking me is not abusing me.  Spanking me is protecting me and our marriage and our family from behaviors that can negatively affect us.  By taking me over his knee, he is assuring me that he will not let me, my mistakes or anything destroy us.

Sometimes it is hard to face the fact that I need to be disciplined.  When he puts my legs in the air and spanks me while looking me in the eyes and addressing why I am being punished, I feel embarrassed and ashamed.  But I know it is needed so that I will change my behavior.

The same hands that spank me are the ones that hold me and touch me and love me and it is an amazing bond.  I trust him with all of me and I know that he would never jeopardize us or our family on a whim.  Incorporating the DD lifestyle into our lives has saved our marriage and brought us closer than I ever thought we would be.  He is my very best friend.

My Infraction List - About to Get a BIG ONE

I'm sitting here with my panties off, waiting for a spanking that I know will be a long and painful one. I also know I've earned it.

Part of my discipline is to write down all of the reasons why I need to be disciplined and today he asked me to write those reasons into my blog.  So here goes:

1.  My language has been foul even in front of other people and I know that is forbidden.  I know I have the power to choose my own words and when I drop the F word it is a choice I am making and that choice comes with consequences.  My bottom is going to pay the price this morning.

2. I haven't been good at exercising and I've asked him to help me stay on track.  When I get lazy with my body I know I have earned a solid lashing to remind me to take care of myself.

3.  I have had a very negative attitude recently and I know I am due for an attitude adjustment in the form of a paddling.

4.  I've been disrespectful and even hurtful to my husband and I don't want to treat him that way.  I know that going over his knee will remind me that he is on my side and he deserves my respect.

5.  Jealousy.  There's this woman at his work that likes to flirt with him.  It's harmless and I know he won't do anything but it bothers me and sometimes I let my mind run away with me.  This week I accused him of flirting with her, which he didn't really do.

The waiting is the worst part.  He'll come in with that look on his face and we'll talk about all of these things.  It's hard to look him in the eyes and discuss the fact that I'm going to receive a spanking.  Even after all of this time I get embarrassed and humiliated, but I know that I am better when he disciplines me.  I feel better.  I get a sense of release and a calmness and I feel his love when he takes action.  I know it isn't always easy on him to punish me, but he does it anyway because he knows it makes me and us better and for that I adore him.

I've just been told to sign off and bend over the bed with my bare bottom exposed and think about my forthcoming punishment, so I have to go.

Top Ten Tips to Make Your New Year a Spanking Success

Happy New Year DD friends!

We hope the new year will bring you resolutions of good behavior and when the behavior slips, we hope you will have good discipline in tact to provide stability in your home.  May you have more maintenance and less punishment spankings this year.

We decided to start 2016 off with some important information about how to bring balance and keep balance in your home.

Follow these steps and we guarantee you will find harmony in your relationship:

1.      1.  Sit down with your partner and write in a maintenance spanking schedule on your calendar.  If it is in writing it will be that much easier to stick to.  **This is especially important for couples who spend a lot of time apart due to their careers.  Choose the date and time and then stick to it. 

2.      2.   Re-evaluate your improvement list and add to it any new resolutions you have made.

3.       3.  Assign a punishment value to every item on the list.  **We have found that this is highly effective in deterring mis-behavior.  i.e. if she knows that ignoring her exercise plan will result in a consistent outpouring of 50 lashes with the cane, she will be more prone to make the choice to do the exercise.

 

4.       4.  Also assign a position to the list.  Your list might look something like this:

Cursing                                 -              25 swats with belt for each curse word           -      OTK

Attitude               -              50 swats with the hairbrush for each occurrence     -   Bent over bed

Exercise               -              50 caning swats     -   Standing with fingers locked behind head

Maintenance     -              10 minute hand spanking   -  OTK

Over-spending  -

Lying                   -

Adultery             -

And so on and so forth.  The new year is the time to assign new values and new positions and then commit yourself to stick to them.

5.       5.  Corner time is a MUST and you need to re-commit to enforcing it.  **Some women are opposed to corner time because they feel it is humiliating so derive an alternative.  A very effective alternative is to have her lie naked over the edge of the bed with her bottom exposed and write down why she is about to be punished and how she can avoid punishment in the future. This is less humiliating for the woman and it allows her to visually process her behavior as she writes it down.  It also gives the husband something to review with her before he begins the discipline session.

6.       6.  Get rid of the excuses!  **The biggest excuse we hear is that couples are rarely alone to execute punishment when needed.  This is fixable with a commitment from both parties.  If there are people in your home when punishment is earned, then leave your home.  Drive to a vacant parking lot, a vacant road, climb into the backseat and provide the discipline that is needed.  Don’t allow yourself to make excuses.  **If children are in the home, pretend to take a shower, turn on the water, the bathroom fan, lock the doors, provide a pillow for the partner being punished to cry into and use a silent tool.  It CAN be done and it MUST be done!

7.      7.   Guilt-Release Session   **We are learning more and more that women carry more guilt than men.  With regards to day-to-day issues men are able to release guilt faster and easier than women.  So, gents, it is your responsibility to help bring your wife or partner relief from the guilt she is experiencing and there’s no better time than the new year to start things off right!

WHAT A GUILT-RELEASE SESSION LOOKS LIKE

a.        The wife writes down a list of all of the things she feels guilty about.  This list might be day-to-day things, people she’s let down, mistakes she’s made in the past or present, etc.  Every woman is different and her list will be unique to her life experiences.

b.      Sit down together and read the list.  This is not a time for judgment or a time to argue that she should or should not feel the way she feels.  If an item is on the list, she is feeling guilty about it, and thusly it must be addressed in order for her to feel relief.  **Many women will cry just in sharing the list because they have a great amount of shame or humiliation attached to the issues they have written down.  This is normal and not an indication that they do not want to follow-through with the session.

c.       Depending on the length of the list, it may need to be broken down into more than one session.  This is permissible, but try to keep the sessions all in the same day.  i.e. one in the morning, one in the afternoon, one in the evening.

d.      Assign a punishment value to each item and write those next to the item.

e.      During the session, eye-contact is extremely important for two reasons:  1) Looking you in the eyes as you discuss the item makes her take full ownership in it.    2) Looking you in the eyes allows her to see your forgiveness and your unconditional love for her.  It makes her feel secure that even in her worse offense, you will not allow her to destroy the relationship. Your strength will bring your relationship back to a place of balance.

f.        Address each item verbally first and then administer the punishment.  **Sometimes an item prompts questions like, “what were you thinking?” or “why would you do that?”  This is okay.  Husbands will often encounter an item on her list that arises feelings of anger in them and that is acceptable.  Putting her over your knee is a means of cleansing both of you, acknowledging the anger she has made you feel and punishing her for the behavior, ultimately restoring balance in the relationship.

8.       8.  She must be naked during a discipline session.  **Couples try to squirm around this one but it is crucial to the success of DD.  Her nakedness is a symbol of her submission to you and of stripping down all exterior factors that stand between you. 

9.       9.  Immediate Punishment is of the utmost important because it is what builds her trust in your ability to lead the home.  **Men, you must prove to her that your word is true and thusly you must do what you say you are going to do.  The more she trusts your follow-through, the quicker she will learn to submit to you and the more peaceful your relationship will be.

1    10. Alone time after a punishment session is needed for at least 3-5 minutes for her to process her behavior and your strength in correcting her.  After the time has lapsed, come back to her and then be affectionate.  **We are learning more and more that immediate sexual gratification is inhibiting the dominant-submissive connection, but adding in affection after a short time of reflection strengthens the connection.

That’s it!  Your top ten new year’s resolutions to start the year off aces!

This message was sent to our newsletter patrons as well but we thought it was helpful and wanted to share with everyone!  Happy New Year!

P.S.  Now, I'm off to get a spanking for being 6 days late at getting the newsletter out.  He asked me three times to get it down and I kept procrastinating.  I am sorry for my delay and I know in about 15 minutes I'm going to be a whole lot sorrier.  He's already laid his belt across the chair and my stomach is trembling with anticipation.  This will be my first punishment spanking of 2016 and I'm certain he's going to make it leave a lasting impression.