Face-to-Face

My hubbie just read my blog and wanted me to add something that I totally forgot about.  This has been a HUGE HUGE influence in helping me get to tears during a spanking and feel genuinely remorseful and embrace submission.

As I mentioned, he always begins with an OTK hand spanking to warm my bottom up, but even before that, when he first brings me toward him, he talks to me, eye-to-eye, face to face about my behavior.  This makes me focus on the fact that I am about to be punished because of MY own actions.  It helps me realize that I control my behavior and he is merely holding me accountable.  Sometimes, while he talks to me, he'll rub his hand over my bottom and other times he'll cup my pussy, not so much to arouse me but as an expression of his authority.  A reminder that I'm his, that he'd rather provide pleasure but when discipline is warranted he will provide pain.  The powerful thing about this is that I have to look him in the eyes and admit what I have done wrong.  "You spent two hundred and fifty two dollars over your credit card limit, didn't you?"  I nod, because I did.  "And you knew you were over the limit when you spent it, didn't you?"  I nod again. Guilty.  "What do you deserve for this?"  This is the part that's really hard for me, saying that I deserve to be given a hard spanking and sent to the corner.  "I deserve to be punished."

"And what should that punishment be?"  He sometimes asks me.

"A spanking."

Just having me say the words is humiliating.  Looking my husband in the eyes and admitting that I need him to take me over his knee for a whipping is embarrassing and that's part of the process of submission.

So, men, enforce it because it will have a long-term positive effect on your wife.

New Nurturing Methods of Discipline

In January I didn't blog much because we were initiating our annual new year boot camp.  My butt is still sore but my heart is light.  We set up some new rules and I feel like I'm finally grasping the whole submission thing a lot more than I used to.  I am beginning to love it and I feel such a deeper love for my husband.  He's been noticing me and keeping a watchful presence on my attitude and it feels so good to have his attention.  I'll offer up my bare bottom in return for his attention any day, but enough with the sappy stuff, I want to tell you our new rules in hopes that it will help some of you in your discipline journey as well.

1.  Corner time BEFORE a spanking never worked to adjust my attitude and in most cases made me more angry or upset.  So, after attending a spanking seminar last December, my husband instituted Computer time before the spanking.  Here's how it works:  He informs me that I am going to receive a spanking in 10-15 minutes, at which time he tells me to strip from the waist down.  I then sit at the computer, bare bottomed, and type a paragraph about what is going through my mind before this spanking, and listing the things I am about to be spanked for.  (bad language, over spending, disrespect, bad attitude, not taking care of myself, etc.)  Do I think I deserve it?  What tools do I think he should use?  How can I improve my behavior going forward?  That sort of stuff.  When he comes in to spank me, we read the paragraph together and discuss what I've written.

For example:  Today I wrote that I thought I deserved 20 swats with the cane for my foul language.  He read it and reminded me of just how bad my language had been and told me he was going to issue 40 swats, which he later did.

The computer time as opposed to corner time helps me organize my thoughts and express my feelings about the upcoming punishment; and so far, it has made me more humble and submissive going into each spanking.

2.  He is more verbal before, during and after the spanking.  This has helped A LOT in teaching me to be submissive.  After he reads my paragraph, he tells me exactly why I am going to be punished and expresses his feelings about it.  "I'm going to give you a hard paddling for your foul mouth.  I don't want you using those words and it is my job as your husband to help you learn to stop using them."  He speaks before each item on our list and explains why I am being punished.  "You have misbehaved when it comes to taking care of yourself and I'm not going to sit by and tolerate it. "  Sometimes he'll ask me questions that seem silly while reading but help me process and accept the punishment at the time.  "Heather, what happens if I don't punish you?"  I answer, "things get worse."   "And if I let things get worse is that an indication that I love you?"  I say, "no."  "Sometimes love means we have to be tough enough to administer discipline when and where it is needed.  Is that right?"   I answer, "yes."    "Yes, what, love?"    I answer, "yes sir."  

Calling him "sir" every now and then when he asks is a tactic that helps teach submission, and I believe now more than ever that it has helped me learn more quickly.

3.  Positioning.  All punishments shouldn't be OTK.  OTK is the least humiliating and most comfortable position for the woman and sometimes true submission and regret doesn't come unless there is a certain amount of humiliation.  Some husbands paddle their wives in front of others to achieve this humiliation, but my husband and I think that's too much for us.  He's spanked me in public, but not in front of people we know.  The same humiliation can be achieved with positioning for a spanking.
For example, he warms my bottom up with an OTK hand spanking, but when he is going to whip me with the belt, he instructs me to stand up, bend over and touch the floor.

When he is going to cane me, I am told to get on all fours either on top the bed or on the floor, and often times he paddles me while I'm laying on my back with my legs in the air, stretched over my head.

This way he looks me in the eyes as he paddles me and I can't tell you how powerful that is.  I cry almost every time.

4.  Random spankings.  My husband will randomly issue maintenance spankings throughout the day and it has kept my attitude in check and kept me on my toes.  He'll give me a few moments notice and if I argue or complain or roll my eyes it goes from a maintenance to a full blown punishment; so I've learned to obey his order to pull down my pants and bend over at random.  This has helped me learn submission so much more than I can explain.  It makes me trust in his authority and his hand on me.

5.  Stress spankings.  This is new for us and has worked wonders in our marriage.  We live, as most of you probably do too, in a high stress environment.  My husband's company has laid off several people and he's on egg shells over his job or over having to fire his employees.  It's made him super stressed which makes me worry and get stressed too.  At the seminar in December, we learned about stress spankings.  This is where the wife offers herself as a stress relief to her husband and there's something beautiful about it.  My husband got teary eyed the first time I did it.  I knew he was overwhelmed and feeling pressure so I took off my clothes and put on my robe, grabbed his belt from the drawer and went to the basement office.  I laid the belt at his feet and then bent over the arm of the chair in his office.  He didn't want to spank me at first and then I reminded him that I wanted him to release his stress.  "Please give me a spanking," I begged until I finally felt the first stingy slap of his belt across my bottom.  He whipped me hard that afternoon and then we held each other and wept.  His stress was gone and so was all of my worry.

Stress spankings aren't just for the wife to offer to her husband, it works both ways.  If the husband sees that his wife is in knots, overwhelmed and stressed out, he needs to take her to a place where he can whip her in private and give her the relief she needs.  This is a beautiful bonding action of love between partners.

I'll write more tomorrow.

Addition of Self-Spanking

I forgot to add one to my list.  If the head of the house travels a lot, you might want to teach your bride to self-administer.  This will take an hour or so, but you get her into a position that is conducive for a self-spanking, particularly with a whip or a belt.  You give her a spanking and then she administers some swats and together you compare the two.  Teach her how to administer the same as you and then, when you are gone, you can instruct her to give herself a punishment spanking to tide her over until you return home.  Self-spankings are not designed to replace the husband's discipline, but merely to remind the wife that though you are away, you are still actively involved and watching.

I have my wife tape the self-spanking session and sent it to me.  Then, I let her know if it has been long and hard enough or if I believe she needs more.  It has worked well for us, though I know it embarrasses her.  Not wanting to feel that embarrassment and humiliation has gone a long way in deterring her from rushing into negative behavior.

Fellas, it is an awkward conversation to strike up, but it will go a long way in improving how your wife feels about your being gone, and her outlook on your relationship and how much you love her.

Purchase a whip, get her a phone that will video and teach her to become an extension of your discipline.  The alternatives are having a trusted friend come into your home and punish her or purchasing a very expensive spanking machine.  The self-spanking, taught by you, controlled by you becomes a bonding experience between you and your wife.  I highly recommend it.

Good luck!

Male Perspective on Spanking

Heather hasn't been blogging lately because her attitude has been less than desirable and her blogs were not uplifting, so she deleted them.  In her absence she has received a lot of emails asking where she is and if she's going to be continuing her blog.  The answer is yes.  January for us held a new awakening in discipline and she is excited to tell you about it.  First we decided it would be best if I presented a husband view and answered some of the male questions, and then she will begin blogging and sharing from the female perspective and answer those questions.

Being the man and the head of the household isn't always easy.  I think some people get it in their heads that I always want to discipline my wife when that isn't the case.  There are times when she needs a spanking but I don't feel like doing it.  It's at those times when I have to press forward and honor my commitment to her and to us and take her over my knee.  As the head of the home, it is my job to maintain peace and order so keeping a tight handle on my wife's attitude and respectful behavior is imperative to the overall health and harmony in our home.

Men, you must follow these simple rules if discipline is going to work for you:

1.  Conduct a boot camp at least once every quarter.  It serves as a reminder to her of the difference between punishment spankings and maintenance spankings and it will make her appreciate the maintenance ones.  It also helps teach her to be submissive in attitude, not weak, submissive.  It takes a woman a great deal of strength to submit to a man.  Don't underestimate this and your job to teach her how to do it.

2.  Give her a reminder paddling every night before bed.  If she objects, increase the paddling.  She will sleep better and wake up with a good outlook on life.

3.  Remember gentleman that a hard spanking provides your love with emotional release that inevitably lowers her stress level, calms her irritability and fights depression.  You are literally doing her a favor by giving her a hard throttling and you should, for this reason, spank her bottom until she cries and achieves the needed release.  If you quit too soon you have done nothing for either of you.

4.  A spanking session is also a release for you, men, and that is acceptable.  If she has made you angry, it is acceptable to paddle her and release that anger.

5.  You must send her to the corner with her panties down and her bare red bottom exposed.  This is an act of submission that she must do.  If she objects spank her until she is more agreeable.

6.  Kids at home is not a reason to avoid a spanking so don't allow her to use this excuse.  It is the number one excuse women use to get out of being punished.  Get a signal and a quiet tool so the children or guests in your home will not know.  Touch your belt and motion her upstairs or downstairs.  Step into a bathroom and turn on the fan and the shower, or go into the bedroom and lock the door.  Paddle her hard and fast with a silent tool (a hangar works like magic) until she cries.  Reprimand her quietly while you give her a hearty spanking.  If she objects, add to the punishment.  By this I mean, if you cannot spank her longer right then, you tell her she is to come back to this room in thirty minutes for another beating.

7.  Know your list of infractions and hold her accountable for every item on the list.  If she curses, issue a beating immediately.  If she overspends her limit, issue a beating immediately.  If she backtalks or disrespects your authority, pull her pants down right then and there and give her a thrashing.  YOU control whether she succeeds at learning submission.

8.  If you travel as I do, it is harder but not impossible.  The first night you get home, give her a spanking as a reminder of the behavior you expect to see in her.  Impose upon her that she keeps a journal while you are away in which she makes note of her infractions.  Hold her accountable for each one with a solid spanking.

9.  If her behavior slips while in public, take her into a family-style restroom that locks and whip her with your belt.  If a restroom is not available, take her into the parking lot and give her a whipping in the back of the car.  Even the smallest of cars can accommodate a spanking.  If you are unable to take care of it right at the moment, tell her privately that when you are alone in the car or at home that she is to take down her pants and remind you that she has earned a punishment spanking.  If you put the burden of remembering on her, it will impact her that much more.

10.  You cannot spank your wife too much or too often.  The worst mistake is to make her feel like you don't care and the way in which you do that is to stop holding her accountable.  Her bottom should bare your handprint or the marks of your belt 24/7.

Good luck, gents!